Circus Read online

  Something inside me isn't right. I know it.

  Since I put on the dress I’ve felt changed. I also feel a bit stubborn and childish in the way I am acting.

  It’s that haze that surrounds my mind. Those distant memories that seem to crawl toward me, so slowly.

  I wonder if I am suppressing certain memories and don’t really want to remember. Why, Alice? What happened to you in the past?

  When I turn back to look at Tiger Lily, she is sleeping, as if she hadn’t been talking to me.

  I decide I’ll message the Hatter back:

  I can’t find the circus. You must have a clue how I should find it.

  He responds:

  I wouldn’t have needed your help if I did.

  I write:

  What’s so important in the circus?

  He responds:

  You will know when you get there. It concerns you as it concerns me. You have less than 10 hours, and the circus might be closing soon. I need you to find it while it’s full of people, or otherwise it will mean nothing to me. I’d hurry if I were you.

  Chapter 48

  Wonderland

  Time remaining: 9 hours, 54 minutes

  It occurs to me to call the Pillar, but I get no signal to the real world. However this works in Wonderland, I have no idea. I realize I’m as confused as the March Hare when he told me about the doorways.

  And, of course, it occurs to me that I’m just in my own escapist La La land of my mind, evading that ultimate truth: that I had a bus accident and that I’m nothing but a crippled girl inside an asylum, killing time by making up stories.

  In truth, there’s not much sense in anything I am doing—or have done since I met the Pillar.

  In truth, I could be just insane, and anyone who is listening to my rambling is only a victim of my bothered mind.

  In truth, I could just accept all the madness around me, and laugh at it, like a morning cartoon on a TV screen—you get a few laughs, eat your cereal, and just totally forget about it.

  I can just admit my madness and be fine with it. Lie back as the world spins like a cuckoo around my head.

  But what always bothers me about my madness is that I know about it. I question it. I try to analyze it. Aren’t mad people supposed to not know about themselves being mad?

  My thoughts are interrupted by something all of a sudden. Something that connects the dots somehow. At least it moves things forward, just like our everyday lives when we don’t have an idea of what’s going on but hang on to the little clues we have for today.

  What I see in front of me is the Snail Mound, the one the Hatter wanted me to find, and the March Hare warned me of.

  Chapter 49

  Meeting Hall, Buckingham Palace, London

  Squeezed in a chair, among the big crowd in the hall, was Dr. Tom Truckle.

  He had managed to fool the guards, pretending he was the person whom the invitation was originally for. It wasn’t hard. He wore his best tuxedo and rented an expensive Bentley, and made Ogier pretend he was his private chauffeur.

  Once he arrived at the palace, he pompously flashed his invitation and trotted inside.

  He was led through dimly lit corridors, one after the other, until he reached a secret meeting hall somewhere inside the palace.

  Then he was shown his seat without anyone realizing what an impostor he was.

  In the dimmed hall, he couldn’t see the many important men and women from all over the world who sat beside him. Was he really sitting among those people?

  The stage itself was bright, awaiting the Queen’s arrival. Dr. Tom Truckle waited with anticipation to know what the heck this Event was about.

  Chapter 50

  Wonderland

  Time remaining: 9 hours, 44 minutes

  Stunned, I try to think it over. So the Hatter thought the Snail Mound was in the Garden of Cosmic Speculation in the real world, but it’s actually in Wonderland?

  It seems plausible to me, since the Hatter seems ignorant of how to get to the circus.

  Let’s rethink this, Alice. You’re here, mainly to catch a rabbit before it explodes, but to do that you have to play the Hatter’s game by finding the circus. That’s all you know about this. STOP analyzing and go find the circus.

  I run barefoot toward the Snail Mound. It’s a spiral mountain, like inverted cones with green roads upward until you reach its tip. It reminds me of a picture I once saw of Babylon, but I’m not sure if the two images are related.

  I climb and climb in wide circles, wondering what I’ll find at the top. Now it reminds me of Jack and the Beanstalk.

  The spiral Snail Mound is huge. I am starting to pant, and I’m starting to feel weaker, but I keep going. It’s surprising that the spiral movement wears off the induced Alice Syndrome. I am starting to see things in their normal size again.

  In the end, when I reach the tip, I realize it’s much smaller than I thought it was. A thought occurs to me suddenly: is it possible that Alice in the book never shrank, that she only was sick with Alice Syndrome, a scientifically known medical condition that may be caused by migraines?

  Migraines? The kind Lewis Carroll suffered from? Is it possible that Lewis was ill? That his migraines drove him crazy? That he was just mad, like all of us?

  I wash the nutty thoughts away, and focus on my climb.

  It’s really comforting seeing things as normal as they should be—not that many things about Wonderland are normal.

  But it’s beautiful from up here on the Snail Mound. It’s like staring at a rainbow from the seventh sky, not from earth. Every curve in Wonderland is enchanting. I can easily spot the Queen’s castle from here, and the Muffin Man’s house, which I visited before.

  The highest point on the Snail Mound is empty, except for my Tiger Lily bouncing to the sunlight on top.

  “How did you get here?” I ask.

  “I am always here.” She snickers.

  “No, you’re not. You were down there a few minutes ago.”

  “Down there, up here, what does it matter?” She laughs. “As long as I have changed my mind to tell you about the circus.”

  I try to calm down and not lose it. “Why did you change your mind?”

  “Frankly, because you found the Snail Mound.”

  “What does that mean?”

  “The Snail Mound is only visible to three persons. That’s why the Hatter wanted you to find it for him.”

  “Oh.” It makes a little more sense now. It doesn’t explain the bomb in the rabbit and the dress, gloves, and fan, though. “Are you saying he is watching me now, that I am leading him to a place he shouldn’t have access to?”

  “It could be,” she says. “I’m not the Hatter, you know.”

  Thinking about it, I still have no choice. I have to keep my deal with the Hatter so he’ll tell me where the rabbit is. “You said only three persons can find the Snail Mound?”

  “Lewis Carroll, the March Hare, and... guess what?” She winks.

  “The Real Alice?” I am hoping.

  “You’re right about that.”

  “So it’s me.” I sigh. “Finally.”

  “Well, it’s still a bit tricky,” she says. “You see, you’re the Real Alice in an unreal world.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean since you’ve fallen into the rabbit hole, you’ve been transported to this place, which, frankly—I’m not sure what it is. It could be a mimicking version of Wonderland, or anything else.”

  “I am not even registering anything you say.” I hold my head tight to stop it from exploding. “Can you just tell me where the circus is?”

  “It’s right here in front of you,” she says. “You came all the way up here to find something all the way down there.” She points at Wonderland below.

  I follow her gaze, and there it is in the distance: the circus’s tent.

  Chapter 51

  Meeting Hall, Buckingham Palace, London

  Dr. Tom Truckle watched
the Queen take the stage.

  People stood up and clapped enthusiastically as she embarked on a stepper to reach the podium. The smug smile on her face was prominent as she asked them to “shut up” and “sit down.”

  “Thank you for accepting my invitation for the most important event in the history of mankind,” she began. “I have chosen you for reasons only the likes of us can understand. Each one of you has a past I sympathize with and understand clearly.”

  Dr. Tom thought he knew what she meant as he glanced at the list of members on the back of his card. But he needed to wait to confirm his suspicions.

  “But before I lay out my plan, I’d like you to watch something.” She signaled to Margaret Kent, and a screen came down behind her. “What you’re going to see now will stir a few bad memories, but it’s a must.”

  Dr. Tom watched the screen flicker, curious about what he was going to watch.

  Chapter 52

  The Maze, Wonderland

  Time remaining: 9 hours, 23 minutes

  It’s quite a maze to get to the circus.

  I tried to memorize it while I was atop the Snail Mound, but now I’m not sure I won’t get lost down here.

  It’s a hedge maze, curving left and right, but I’m determined to finish it and get to the circus in the center—that’s how it appeared to be from atop the spiral mound.

  I notice that as I walk, the sky starts to turn blue again, and I seem to hear voices in the distance. The circus?

  Hedge after hedge, curve after curve, I am going crazy. Whenever I think I am close to the sound, the maze ends.

  I have to start all over again.

  In my mind, I focus on the direction of the sound. Is it coming from my left side? Right side? Does it sound a bit muffled here because the maze is blocked? Does it flow better there?

  The sounds are of a cheering crowd. Everyone seems happy about something. I am getting curiouser and curiouser.

  More steps in, I stop in my tracks again.

  Someone stands in front of me. Someone I didn’t expect to see in here.

  “Fabiola?”

  “Nice to see you again, Alice.” She is wrapped in white from head to toe. Her dress flutters to a light breeze and her smile is ever so enchanting.

  “I didn’t expect to see you here,” I say.

  “I am not really who I am in this world, if that makes any sense.”

  “No. It doesn’t make any sense.” I chuckle feebly. “But what does?”

  “I understand.” She nods. “You’re in the Bridge of Time between past and present, real and unreal. It’s an aftermath of the March Hare trying to open portals to Wonderland with his gardens.”

  “So this isn’t Wonderland?”

  “It is... and it isn’t.”

  “Here we go again,” I mumble.

  “It’s like a memory where some things are true and some are lies.” Fabiola is trying her best to make sense of it. “I have no idea how I am here, just like you. But I know why I am here.”

  “Why are you here, then, Fabiola?”

  “To warn you. Whoever led you here with this maid’s dress and asked you to seek the circus wishes you harm.”

  “What kind of harm?”

  “The worst of all—emotional harm.”

  “Why does he want to harm me, whoever it is who’s playing games?”

  “It’s the only way for you to remember—at least a few things.”

  “How I killed my friends in the bus?”

  “No. That should come later,” Fabiola says. “You’re about to remember what really happened in the last days of Wonderland. Why the war is coming; a truth that I’ve tried to conceal for so long, even from myself.”

  “I thought Lewis Carroll locked the Wonderland Monsters in here, so they wouldn’t bring chaos into the world,” I say. “I saw him do it when I was in the Tom Tower. Isn’t that Wonderland’s biggest secret?”

  “Not at all.” Fabiola shakes her head. “Ever wondered why he locked them up?”

  “I assumed they are evil.” I try to think of a better word. “That they want to hurt people in the real world.”

  “That could be part of it, but it’s not the real truth.” Fabiola’s eyes are watery. “You see, there is a reason why the Wonderland Monsters, led by the Queen of Hearts, are incredibly powerful.”

  “I had expected them to be led by the Cheshire,” I say. “I mean, he seemed the most evil, with his power.”

  “The Cheshire is merely a hint to the dangers Wonderlanders could bring upon the real world. There is a reason why the Wonderland Wars could be the end of the world. A much grander reason,” Fabiola says. “Ever wondered why the Cheshire hates humans so much?”

  “Because humans killed his ancestors in an eye-rolling story I have never heard anything like before.”

  “That’s hardly scratching the surface,” Fabiola says. “Something happened to the Wonderland Monsters that made them this way—not that they weren’t obnoxious in Wonderland, but the twist of evil in their personalities happened later.”

  “Why don’t you spell it out for me, Fabiola? Why all the puzzles?”

  “Because memories are mostly visual. You have to see them to remember—of course, that’s if you’re the Real Alice. I’m not going to go over this again.”

  “Apparently, this Hatter thinks I am her.”

  “We all hope you’re her,” Fabiola says. “I know I didn’t believe it first, but trust me, I want to believe you’re her. But I don’t want to waste your time, as you have to go to circus and see what happened in the last days of Wonderland. I just wanted you to take notice of the door in the hedge to your right.”

  I turn my head and there it is. A wooden door I hadn’t seen before.

  “It’s okay that you haven’t seen it,” she says. “Sometimes, when we’re fixated on reaching the end, we miss the important things along the way.”

  “You want me to open it?”

  “Not now,” Fabiola says. “I’d prefer you open it on your way back. Its impact should be more to the point then.”

  I let out a long sigh. I’m tired. I am really tired. My mind is about to fry. If I just get one normal thought to hang on, I think I’ll feel much better.

  “I know it’s hard.” She steps over and touches my cheek. Her hands are warm. I feel at home. “And it’s your choice to walk the distance or not. I mean, you could have just given up on a rabbit with a bomb threatening the children in London. A sane person would have done that.”

  “You mean only the insane walk the distance?”

  “It’s an unusual way to put it.” She laughs. “But it’s true. Insanity isn’t always a curse. For those who know how to use it, it’s a bliss. Now, I have to go, Alice.”

  She pulls her hand away and I feel lost. I feel without a family. Lonely, as usual.

  I can hear the crowd in the distance cheering. Again, they sound so happy. I wonder how this could be bad at all.

  “One more thing,” Fabiola says. “Once you reach the end of maze, you won’t be in Wonderland anymore. The Bridge of Time will take you to the 19th century.”

  “In the real world?”

  “Yes.” She nods. “The circus, Alice, was in the real world. It was the first moment in history when Wonderland and the real world collided.”

  Chapter 53

  Meeting Hall, Buckingham Palace, London

  Tom Truckle squinted at the screen in the dark.

  The movie was out of this world. It was as if some loony director had made a movie about Wonderland, pushing everything up a notch. A great movie, indeed. Except that the Queen was calling it a documentary.

  Everyone around Tom was sighing, and talking about how they missed the old days of Wonderland.

  It should have driven him crazy, but it didn’t. Tom, unbeknownst to most, was all too aware of Wonderland, and had his own plans for finding it.

  Surely he had fooled everyone with his act, that he didn’t believe that it existed—basically
shocking Alice to death in the Mush Room for it—but that was all a facade.

  No one really knew who he was, and he was just waiting for all the threads to come together so he could strike as hard as he planned.

  But even so, watching this movie was melancholic.

  What really took him by surprise was the part when the screen went black for a few seconds. Everything went silent, and then a word appeared on the screen.

  A word that meant nothing to Tom, but stirred sighs among the crowd.

  “And now,” the Queen said, “it’s time to look into this memory we usually hate to remember, but trust me, it’s a must.”

  The movie began, and Tom was wondering about that word he had just read. Why was it so frightening to everyone in the room, including the Queen?

  It was a normal word. Even funny. A word that usually instilled mirth in the hearts of kids.

  The word was: circus.

  Chapter 54

  The circus

  Time remaining: 8 hours, 34 minutes

  I run like a mad girl.

  I think my feet are as curious as me, wanting to see the circus. It causes me to fall, but I pick myself up again, running in the maid’s dress through the maze.

  What could have happened in the circus? Why would the Wonderlanders have attended a circus? Did they work there?

  Running, I imagine the Pillar as the circus ringmaster, using his wicked charm to lure kids into the tent. I imagine the Cheshire disguised as an evil clown. The March Hare, a mad knife thrower. Fabiola could be a ballerina, or a pantomime dancer luring people with the power of silence. The kids would love her. How about the rest? How about Jack?

  Tears threaten to trickle down my face as I remember him. Is it possible he once lived with me in Wonderland?

  I imagine us both working the trapeze. Alice Wonder, the trapeze girl, and Jack Diamond, the card magician. I imagine him climbing up the trapeze and catching me when I fall.

  My mind is racing, as do my feet, as does my heart.

  Suddenly, I am there. I finished the maze. I am in the center.