Wonder (Insanity Book 5) Read online

  “I fed you the truth, one lie after the other. Sometimes good comes out of evil. It is about to get dark in a few hours.” He nodded at the skyline. “It doesn’t mean the sun won’t shine tomorrow.”

  “You’re twisting the words to your liking, like you always have, Carter. Do you have any idea how much damage you caused to her by waking her up?”

  “Damage to her, or to you?”

  “Stop twisting my words, I said. What was the point, Carter? What was the point of proving she was the Real Alice?”

  “To show you she can do good,” the Pillar said. “To show she can save the world from the Cheshire, the Muffin Man, the Executioner, Carolus, and even me.”

  “She did it thinking she was someone else. Someone you made her think she is.”

  “So the things we do knowing who we really are count, and the things we do pretending we’re a better someone else don’t?”

  “Oh, spare me the philosophy.”

  “Or spare you the truth?”

  “The truth is she is a killer, Black Chess’s favorite.”

  “The truth is she is a lifesaver who stood in Black Chess’s way many times,” the Pillar countered. “Even the timeline suggests what I’m saying is true. Once she was evil, now she is a hero. Let it go.”

  “You’re trying to fix a broken soul because you can’t fix yourself.”

  “I’m immune to insults, Fabiola. Try something else.”

  “You want something else?” She stepped forward, locking eyes with him. It was the moment he feared the most. But it was inevitable. “From this day on, you and your precious little devil are the Inklings’ enemies. My enemies.”

  The Pillar shrugged.

  “I will declare war on Alice.”

  “I knew you would.”

  “That’s because you know me from way back. You know who I really am. The fierce warrior that fought for the Inklings no matter what. Winning the Wonderland War is the greater cause. Not the redemption of your little mad princess.”

  “Just don’t tell it to her in the face,” the Pillar said. “She really loves you. It will crush her.”

  Fabiola’s face twitched. She had just confessed her love for Alice a few hours back. Now, in the blink of an eye, the tables had turned. But the Pillar knew Fabiola wouldn’t give in. She’d had a rough childhood herself. And every Wonderlander counted on her.

  “Try to forgive and look ahead, Fabiola,” the Pillar said. “Even Lewis bought into my plan.”

  “Which really puzzles me,” she said. “Every time I remember him hugging and advising her in the Tom Tower, or when his apparition appeared to her in the Inklings, telling her she was the hero, my mind reels.”

  “It wasn’t easy for him,” the Pillar said. “When I tried to take the Lullaby pill from him in the future, he wouldn’t let me.”

  “That’s because in the future he regretted letting you help her,” Fabiola said. “Come on, Pillar. Open your eyes. Can’t you see we lost the war in the future? Doesn’t that tell you that backing her up isn’t the right thing to do?”

  The Pillar said nothing. He lifted one arm and tapped his left breast pocket. His yellow note hiding inside. “I have my reasons.”

  “Stubborn as you always have been.” She sighed. “One of the reasons I could never love you.”

  “Could is good. It means you wanted to but didn’t.”

  “Listen to me,” she said. “Alice is now in the past, realizing who she really is. It’s either she finds her way back through that Wonder, or whatever that is, or she dies.”

  “She won’t die.”

  “Just listen.” Her knuckles whitened around the umbrella. “If she dies, then it’s all good. I can lead the Inklings to win the war against Black Chess. If she finds her Wonder and lives…”

  “What happens then, Fabiola?”

  “I will kill you both,” she said without flinching. He knew she meant it. And it complicated things.

  The Pillar watched her walk away, almost disappearing behind the rain. “Fabiola!” he called after her.

  “What now, Carter?” She stopped, but didn’t turn around.

  “There is only one way to kill her.”

  “What’s that?”

  “You will have to kill me first.”

  Chapter 58

  THE PAST: ALICE’S CELL, RADCLIFFE ASYLUM

  Waltraud wheels me back to my cell. I stare at my immobile legs in dismay. I’m sweating out of shock. But I am not crying anymore. I’ve dried all my tears already.

  “Mr. Jay wants you to rethink the Lullaby pill,” Waltraud says, sending me into my cell.

  Speechless, I stare into the mirror in front of me. I’ve witnessed this scene before, only I thought I was hallucinating. I thought I was dreaming. I thought I was mad. Turns out I’m not. I’m reliving my past in full color.

  How I wish I was mad right now.

  “There is no rabbit in the mirror,” I manage to say.

  “There’s never been a rabbit,” Waltraud says. She whispers in my ear, “It’s always been you. We’re proud of you.”

  I let out a chuckle. A painful one. A mixture of laughter and crying. Pain and pleasure. Sanity and insanity.

  It occurs to me that I’m just confused. If this is my past, why am I sad? I am the Real Alice. A dark and vicious one that everyone was looking for because they feared me the most.

  Why am I sad, then? I can’t escape me. Why is there a nagging part of me wanting me to be a hero?

  “I’m really sorry I broke your knees,” Waltraud says. The irony. “You were under the pill’s influence. I had to stop you from escaping. I’m really sorry.”

  When I raise my eyes to meet hers in the mirror, I realize she is scared of me. Now that the pill’s influence has worn off, she is expecting me to return to my real self. She thinks I will hurt her.

  “I hope you don’t hold grudges against me,” she says. “Please don’t hurt me.”

  The irony, times two. Or better, times Walraud’s weight. Even better, times the number of times she will fry me in the Mush Room in the future.

  “Do you want me to wash your feet?” she offers. “Mr. Jay says it’s going to take you six months for your knees to recover.”

  “No, Waltraud. I don’t want you to wash my feet. I want to ask you about Dr. Tom Truckle.”

  “The pill-popping fool who thinks he is building an ark and saving the Mushroomers to win the Wonderland Wars?” Her whole body shakes when she laughs.

  “So he doesn’t know about me?”

  “We let him pursue his plan with Carroll’s legacy,” Waltraud says. “I pretend I fear him the most when he talks to me, just to keep up the act. But he’s a pawn in Black Chess’s plan.”

  This explains a lot about him in the future. The poor man is chasing a loom of nothingness. But I don’t want Waltraud to sense my sympathy. I’m not sure why my inner self resists being the Bad Alice, but it’s how I feel.

  Maybe it’s because of what the Pillar showed me in the future. Maybe it’s been the Pillar’s plan from the beginning: to show me the good person I can become in the future, preparing me for a hard choice when I learn who I really am in the past.

  My head isn’t clear yet, and for whatever reason, I need to play along. “Good. It’s best to keep Dr. Truckle in the dark.”

  Waltraud’s smile broadens. “Does that mean you’re not taking the pill? Does that mean you’ll stay one of us?”

  “I haven’t decided yet. Not before I meet the Queen of Hearts. I need to ask her something.”

  “Of course,” she says. “I will call her right away.”

  And now the Queen is in the palm of my hand. I own her because I’m Black Chess’s favorite. Who would have thought?

  Chapter 59

  “What can I do for you, dear Alice?” the Queen of Hearts says, standing before me.

  She hasn’t possessed the Queen of England’s body yet at this point. She looks as ugly as I’ve seen her in Wonderland. Stocky
, short, her facial features almost unrecognizable. Like a frog, with bulging eyes, a lost nose, and a big mouth.

  “Still as ugly as you’ve always been,” I mock her, testing my credibility.

  “Thanks for the compliment.” She lowers her head, fidgeting with her hands. “I’m working on a new face in this world. Haven’t found a spell to get it, though.”

  “How about Margaret?”

  “She was the first one to arrive from Wonderland. She had someone surgically fix her. But she’s taller than me, so it’s easier for her. She’s in Parliament right now.”

  “Proud of her,” I say. “She isn’t wasting time playing by the book.”

  “I’ll tell her that. She’ll be happy.” She stops to think about it. “But maybe I shouldn’t tell her about you now. You know no one knows about you but me and Mr. Jay.”

  I didn’t know that. It explains why none of the Wonderlanders knows about the sequence of the events in the future. I wonder how the Queen didn’t recognize me in the future, then. I’m sure I will know how along the way. “How about Waltraud? She knows who I am.”

  “Don’t worry about that loser,” the Queen says. Waltraud isn’t in the room. “We’re feeding her a huge dose of Lullaby pills right now. She will not remember you. I believe that’s your wish, right?” She raises her eyes to meet mine. “I understand you don’t want to take the pill and spend the rest of life in the asylum.”

  I nod, wanting her to spill the rest for me. Why did the Bad Alice want to forget about what she had done? It can’t be that I changed overnight. There must be a reason. I have to find out why.

  “Mr. Jay told me about the deal. If you take the pill, we will have to take it, too,” the Queen says. “You don’t want us to remember you as well.”

  So that’s why no one remembers me in the future. The Bad Alice had a change of heart and ordered her obituary, spending the rest of her life in an asylum.

  “I’m impressed your stupid brain managed to fully understand my wishes,” I say, playing my part.

  The Queen’s face twitches. She fears me, but she holds grudges. It makes sense. She once ruled Wonderland with her stupidity and anger. Then something happened after the circus. Who knows what? It’s hard to bring the subject to the table right now. “Do you happen to also remember why I need the pill?” I say. “I need to make sure you understand.”

  “Of course,” she says. “Because of Jack. I’m really sorry.”

  “What about Jack?”

  “But you know why, dear Alice.”

  “Just spit it out.”

  “You regret having accidentally killed Jack on the bus,” she says. “Even though everyone on this bus had to die, Jack wasn’t meant to be on it. He didn’t have to die. I understand how this changed you. Love changes everything.”

  Chapter 60

  THE PAST: THE QUEEN’S LIMOUSINE, OUTSIDE THE ASYLUM

  Now that I know what changed my dark heart, I tell the Queen she and Mr. Jay have to take the pill when I take it. I tell her that I’m still determined to forget and spend the rest of my life in the asylum.

  The Queen complies, and confirms Mr. Jay has taken the pill. I only ask her to watch the sunset outside for one last time before I resort to my madness inside the dark asylum. The Queen complies, and now we’re outside in her limousine, driving around.

  “You can still forget about the pill,” the Queen, sitting next to me, advises. “You can rule the world when we win the war. I have information that someone has found a way to bring the Wonderland Monsters into this world. Week by week they will arrive and wreak havoc on this world until we take our revenge on humans.”

  I let her talk, not paying attention. I know the rest already. I even know the parts she doesn’t, like the Pillar helping me out of my dark world and turning me into a hero.

  I am taking a deep breath. I will need it. I have a big plan ahead of me. I need to focus.

  I have a handful of Lullaby pills hidden in my fist. When the limousine stops at an intersection, I pull them out and stuff them into the Queen’s mouth, choking her long enough until she swallows them all.

  The driver tries his luck at fighting me. I twist his head with my hands, and he ends up staring backward at the comatose — and now amnesiac — Queen of Hearts. “I need you to drive me somewhere,” I tell him. “Or I’ll never fix your head.”

  “I’ll do what you want,” he says. “Please, Alice. Don’t kill me.”

  I turn his head back. It doesn’t fit exactly — it’s a little skewed at the cheeks — but he is glad he is alive.

  “Thank you,” he says. “Where to?”

  The million-dollar question. I focus hard, trying to remember Mrs. Tock’s address, the one she gave me through the pink pill in the Inklings. I think the Lullaby pill I took in the past messed with pill I took in the present where I came from.

  Remember it, Alice. Come on!

  As we chug through the streets of Oxford, I can’t remember the address. Maybe I’ve been exposed to too much emotional stress. I should remember it.

  We kick the Queen out on the street. The driver puts her in a garbage can, telling me he loathed her and would do anything for me.

  When he comes back, we drive left and right, everywhere, hoping the buildings will make me remember, hand me a clue.

  Where does Mrs. Tock live now?

  Then it comes to me. I’m not just in the wrong area. I’m in the wrong city. Mrs. Tock’s address is in London.

  “London it is,” the driver says.

  “I will need my wheelchair first,” I remind him — also reminding myself that I am a cripple.

  “It’s fixed on top of the car. Don’t worry.”

  “And I will need you to help me up a few stories in London. Got that?”

  “I will do what you ask for,” he says. “May I ask where I will be lifting you up?”

  “A hidden room in the Big Ben tower.”

  Chapter 61

  THE PAST: BIG BEN, LONDON

  Mr. Tick and Mrs. Tock live in a hidden room in the Big Ben. It has a wall for a door that only opens when you knock on it six times, like a secret cave. They live in a lavish, huge room inside. The only disadvantage is the horribly loud sound each time the Big Ben strikes.

  But being married since the beginning to time, both of them aren’t bothered by it. In fact, they look so bored, they love it when it bangs.

  Mr. Tick is certainly bored of his ticks. I watch him blame Mrs. Tock for being a boring wife who can’t find a way for him to spice up his life. Mr. Tick really hates London. He hates the rainy weather, the drunks late at night, the football games, and calls it a boring city. Mrs. Tock keeps telling him that soon the Wonderland Monsters will arrive, and the city will become incredibly entertaining. Mr. Tick says it’s all lies, like there’s never been a real Severus Snape in Harry Potter.

  The couple are so bored that Mrs. Tock doesn’t mind finding me in her kitchen. She doesn’t ask how I got inside their secret hideout. Worse, she doesn’t remember who I am.

  This is going to take some time.

  “Tea?” she offers me.

  “Please.” I am trying to think of the right words to explain to her that I am from the future and that she is supposed to help me.

  “I don’t know how to please my husband,” she complains. “I mean, our marriage was perfect the first two thousand years. The love, the cuddles, and all the things we did together. But then, a thousand years after a thousand years, things went down the drain.”

  “How long have you been married?”

  She scratches her head. “I really forgot.”

  “Never mind.” I wave a hand, like a good neighbor chitchatting with her. “I’m sure it’s been a long time. Ever had kids?”

  “Mr. Tick doesn’t want to.” She lowers her head. “He thinks he is still young. He still chases young girls.”

  “Midlife crisis.” I rub my cup.

  “He says I’m boring,” she explains. “That I’m
always late.”

  “You’re Mrs. Tock. It’s who you are.”

  “See? I’m meant to be late. All women are meant to be late. We need time in front of the mirror.”

  “I agree.” Now that I can finally stare into a mirror.

  “Of course, he doesn’t need a mirror. First of all, he is too tall for all mirrors. Secondly, he has no hair to comb.”

  “Three hairies, I believe.”

  “I’m surprised you can see them.” She snickers. “He keeps lubricating them, combing, and even dying them. All for that girl he’s liked recently.”

  “I’ll bet she is young.”

  “Nineteen. Can you believe it? He’s easily her great-great ancestor. Her name is Lorina.”

  “Lorina?”

  “Lorina Wonder.”

  I rest my case. I have nothing to say.

  “Now he wants a divorce, which we’re not allowed to have.”

  “Of course. What would the world be without a tick and a tock?”

  “I’m glad you understand,” she says. “He’s looking for a cure for baldness these days.”

  “I bet he’s been looking for it for a few thousand years now.”

  “And it’s all a hoax. Can’t grow back hair unless you go back in time.” Mrs. Tock laughs. “So do I know you?”

  I haven’t told her my name. “I was sent to you from the future.”

  She bursts out laughing. “Nice one.”

  “No, really,” I say. “Two years in the future you sent me back here. You gave me this address and told me you can help me when something goes wrong.”

  Mrs. Tock’s face dims. She doesn’t like what I’m saying at all.

  “Listen.” I am trying my best to embrace my Bad Alice personality, but it’s not working. “You were supposed to send me a day back, but you messed up, and I need you to help me go back to yesterday.”

  “You’re insane.”

  “Not anymore.” I grin. “If you don’t help me, I will die in the next few hours.”