I Am Alive Read online

  “The twenty in the back are dead,” Bellona whispers in my ear. “I say they are twenty extra razor-edged weapons. If I can’t get me a sword, I will use their skates as blades after they die.” I thought I was cold-hearted. “You and I will be up front,” she continues.

  I am good at skating. Woo taught me. I was fourteen, and I became even better than him. I will manage, but I don’t understand why Bellona wants me first row. I suspect she is planning to sacrifice me too.

  “No,” Leo interferes. “Decca stays close to me.”

  “Oh, I take the kiss did its magic,” Bellona grins. “While my soldiers get the swords, and probably kill as many as they can, Decca and I will use a collision tactic.”

  “What’s that?” I ask.

  “You will trick one of the Bullies into hunting you. I do the same to another one. We run into each other as they try to catch us, and we both duck at the last possible second. We crouch, and they collide into each other like heavy pigs. We pick up their swords.”

  I think it over. It sounds good. It’s like ducking in Dodgeball. It’s going to be harder for Bellona, since she is taller. I am shorter than most, and lighter in weight.

  “This is not for you, Leo,” I tell him. “You can stay close, considering you can barely skate.”

  Leo doesn’t like it. He nods cautiously though. “Okay,” he says gravely. “You two breathe steadily. Inhale four counts in, hold your breath for one count and let it out for two. Do it now,” he tells us. “This will keep you calm before playing. Right before we put one foot in the grave, inhale as long as possible and give ’em hell.”

  Woo taught me the same technique.

  “All right.” Bellona’s eyes shine. “Twenty Bullies to kill. Easy peasy.”

  “Lemon squeezy,” says Leo, and hits fist to fist with Bellona.

  Suddenly, we hear a loud horn, and the glass door to the dome opens. Leo dashes in before us, and shoots two of the Bullies dead with the last two bullets. He loses balance and falls to the side, yelling at Bellona, “Eighteen left.”

  Bellona’s plan flies out of the window. The horn was a surprise. In the blink of an eye, we're thrust inside the dome. No breathing, no preparing, and no plan. I have to learn this. Planning is not a strategy here. Being alert at all times is a necessity.

  18

  The Bullies collide with the skaters. There is blood on the ice already. Bellona has provoked one of the Bullies to chase her. I find one rushing toward Leo, so I run toward the Bully and punch him in the lower part of his back. He is not hurt. But interested.

  He follows me. The air left in my lungs is not helping. I am slower than usual. My vision isn’t clear. My eyelids throb. Bellona skates in my direction. She doesn’t say anything, only making eye contact with me to preserve energy. I am suffocating. The world around me is in chaos. I can’t seem to understand what is going on. I hear a faint voice creeping into my head.

  The Bully glides after Bellona, until he is close behind her. He tries to chop off her head with the golden sword. He misses, and the sword cracks the ice. This isn’t good. We could all fall and become easy targets.

  Something swooshes next to my ear, leaving a rushing sound like a seashell or heavy wind in my ear. From the corner of my eye the slash looks gold. It’s my predator behind me, trying to kill me. I think he has cut off a piece of my hair. This morning, my hair was my greatest asset. I would have cried if someone did that to me. Now it doesn’t matter.

  I need air. My mind wanders to where I can find a Breathing Booth. I see one, but I shouldn’t give up on Bellona. She is too close now. If I keep steady, we can cause the two Bullies to crash into each other and take their swords.

  The distance between the booth and Bellona is almost the same, about twenty feet. I can’t breathe. Neither can Bellona. I am bending too low, I might fall on my face.

  Closer.

  Eye to eye with Bellona. We can’t speak. I will trust my eyes and hers to time the ducking.

  Now.

  I can’t stoop any lower, so I take a swift detour to the right, gliding over the ice in the direction of the booth. I lose balance and fall on my face, but my body keeps on gliding, the ice cracking underneath me.

  I hear the terrible sound of collision behind me, like two bears pounding against the floor. They let out painful oohs, then I hear the ringing of one sword hitting the ice.

  Bellona is screaming. I hit my head against the bottom of the Breathing Booth with no energy left to look back. I need to pull myself together, stand up, and get into the booth. I need oxygen.

  I try to balance on one leg then pull the other up after me, but the distance deceives me, and I slide down to the floor again. I manage to stand up again. Bellona stops screaming. I don’t know what happened to her. I hear the ice cracking again behind me. I struggle to pull the door of the Breathing Booth open. When I succeed, I hop inside the booth, close the door behind me, and use the inhaler.

  Slowly, the oxygen fills my lungs. I feel like a rose blooming back to life. I should be looking back to see what happened to Bellona, but I am addicted to the oxygen, reminding myself that I am in the safe zone.

  More oxygen into my lungs. And some more.

  I will need it, because I have to go back and pick up a sword.

  Will I have to look for Bellona?

  When I look back in the battlefield of the Breathing Dome, it’s a bloodbath.

  The red color is spreading fast; like growing tree branches, curving, thickening, and thinning onto the white icy floor. I follow a trail of red that leads to Bellona. One of the Bullies has fallen on top of her. The poor girl, although taller and stronger than me, is trapped underneath him, almost unconscious, arms trembling, shivering for help. Her eyes roll back, showing almost all white. Her face is pinkish blue. The Bully above her is dead, with the other Bully’s sword plunged in his neck — the collision trick worked. We just didn’t expect one of them to trip over Bellona.

  The ice around Bellona is cracking open. The zigzags are spreading around her in all directions. Every time Bellona gathers her strength and tries to free herself from underneath the Bully, the cracks spread further in random directions. One of us, from those who couldn’t skate, falls into an open crack in the distance. I can’t save her. It’s too far, and too late.

  The other Bully is gone without a sword. His sword is two steps away from my booth. Although I know I should only care for myself, I can't leave Bellona behind. We promised we would do this together. It’s Armageddon, the world is falling apart, but a promise is a promise. I take one last breath in, and grab for the door.

  It doesn’t open…not wide enough to let me out anyway.

  I hear a thud. I am shaking. I feel like I am in an elevator that has fallen loose from its hinges, and now its door is jammed out of place. I push the door again. It won’t open, blocked by the icy floor outside. The booth is too small. There is no room for me to swing and break the glass.

  The cracks keep spreading around the booth. I could drown in the cold water underneath, trapped inside the booth. The same water I am actually fighting for. I need the ice around the door to melt or disappear so I can open the door, or I will die.

  It’s not my time to die. How can you die before discovering who you really are?

  “Don’t contaminate the water, little Monsters,” says Timmy in the microphones. “There are too many dead bodies falling into the water. Unless you’re okay with drinking blood."

  The booth falls deeper below the ice. The cold water rushes in. It’s up to my knees. I could drown before the whole booth drops in the water.

  Beyond the glass, Bellona is lying still. I can’t let her die. Besides the promise, I just made a new friend. I don’t give up on my friends.

  I try to stretch my right leg through the small gap showing between the door and its metal frame, kicking the ice with the sharp metal of my skate. The ice starts to break but very slowly, because I don’t have enough space to swing my foot with enough
power. My leg hits the metal side of the door, and it hurts. I wash the thought of pain away, and focus on the thought of survival. Woo used to say that there is no such thing as pain. It’s all in your head.

  I need a gap wide enough to crane my head out the door, but the ice breaks so slowly.

  Another thump from the booth. More cold water rushes in.

  I am still breathing through the inhaler. I am wasting too much energy here. I need to be in the Breathing Dome. The Suffocating Dome.

  Raising my head, I see that I have caught the attention of a Bully from afar. It looks like he doesn’t consider a booth with an open door a safe zone. He is skating heavily toward me, lowering his pointed horns. He has bruises all over him. The others are doing a good job so far.

  I am going to die now. I just have to decide how.

  A skater and another Bully are fighting next to my booth, which complicates my situation. As the skater forces the Bully down to the floor, more zigzagged cracks spread toward me.

  Another thump.

  Now more water rushes inside, and the door gets harder to push open. The skater kills the Bully, takes his sword, and skates away. He doesn’t help me. Maybe he didn’t see me. My booth might not grab anyone’s attention in this situation, because it is useless. No one can get inside it. I won’t forget the skater’s face.

  I don’t look at Bellona. I will not get frustrated. I have to stay positive. Negative thoughts will kill me faster, and I have learned in a game with bus explosions that every second counts.

  I can do it. I just don’t know how. It will happen. It will be shown to me.

  The Bully is approaching fast, so close now. If I manage to open the door, I think he might eat me alive. I pull the door closed instead, as the water reaches my belly. I have my oxygen here inside. It will buy me some time.

  The Bully is in front of my booth, breathing into his gas mask, producing an awful sound, like an alien from outer space. I inhale, staring straight at him, showing him that nothing can get me out of here.

  A broadcast of me is projected on the inner surface of the Breathing Dome. Timmy must think my situation is most entertaining. I can’t hear his silly comments, because water is already covering my iAm in my back pocket — it’s waterproof. There is no audio coverage inside the dome. Either that, or I have gone deaf.

  The Bully is circling around the booth, looking for a way to shake me out of it. He is looking at the blue oxygen tubes outside, which feed oxygen to the inhaler inside the booth.

  Oh. My. God.

  He raises his sword high in the air with theatrical evilness — all in the name of entertainment. The viewers are holding their breaths in utter astonishment.

  Here, you’ve got your horror movie of the year, your adrenaline rush, your coveted violence and anger release. Hail the system and kill the Bad Kidz.

  In a moment he could cut off my oxygen supply. He should know better, since this won’t get me out. I will only suffocate in here.

  How could I possibly survive this? If I don’t suffocate, I will drown, and if I don’t, a Bastard will stab me.

  Shake the thoughts away. As long as I have one last breath, there is hope; better than hope, there is a way.

  His sword goes down on the blue tube and…

  …the air in the booth cuts off.

  I feel like I have died already.

  The Bully leaves me be, realizing I am as good as dead. He skates away toward another prey. I pound against the glass door, and my heart is choking in my lungs.

  I guess my fear is accelerating my death. Fear is bad. Too much blood pumping, high pressure, lack of reason, and your body can’t help you. I wonder what the graphs on my iAm look like now.

  I have found out how to save us all from the Breathing Dome, the same instant I’ve found out I am going to die.

  The blue tube is the solution. It’s the mockery implemented by the sick designers. The thing that will make them laugh at us when we’re dead: Look at those Monsters. They could have just saved themselves from the beginning. This Breathing Dome is a joke. We could have saved ourselves by cutting the blue tubes, and filling the dome with oxygen. I just found out too late.

  While my eyelids shudder, closing slowly, something blurry, black, tiny as a pebble, fills my vision. As it approaches me it starts to grow.

  It has a golden glow to it and it takes no prisoners.

  It’s Woo.

  19

  Woo is skating on the ice like a professional. How in the name of…?

  My eyelids surrender. The muscles in my neck flatten. My head falls on one shoulder.

  I hear someone break the glass. I think I can hear him call my name. Maybe I am dying and hallucinating. My eyes are closed between Heaven and Earth…

  I feel something soft and gummy touch my lips. It sticks to my sealed lips for a moment, then it parts my lips.

  It feels so good.

  So good, as if I am blooming like a flower. It feels dreamy. Is that the kiss of death?

  Buh-bye world?

  Hallucinations?

  Air fills my lungs again. I can see the air in my mind’s eye, spreading into every vein in my body. It is blue, the color of the serene sky on summer days.

  My eyes flip open.

  I am breathing.

  It’s not Woo.

  I see Leo in front of me with his serious look. He is holding me. We are standing outside of the booth with all the mess around us. He knocks a Bully down, and gets back to me. There is something sticking to my face. I touch it. I am wearing a gas mask. Was this what I felt on my lips?

  “I got you a mask from the Bully,” Leo says. “Are you functional? There are four more to kill.”

  I have to teach this homeless lion someday that you can never ask a girl a question like: Are you functional? What is that supposed to mean? It’s as if I am a robot or something.

  I move the mask a little to talk to him. “How can you skate?” I know it is not the right time to ask, but it is never the right time when you’re about to die.

  “That’s how fast men can learn.” He bumps me with his fist and winks. It hurts. “Take this.” He hands me a sword. “Don’t say you can’t use it. Think chopping carrots.”

  I take it and pull the mask back. It’s amazing when you can breathe. Such a gift.

  “Stay here,” he says. “I need to find a mask for myself.”

  Most of the survivors are wearing masks. Leo has given his to others.

  I suddenly remember Bellona, and the blue tube.

  “You don’t need to find a mask,” I yell at Leo. “Follow me.” I skate toward the first blue tube I see. “Just kill anyone who tries to kill me.”

  “Wait!” He sounds upset behind me.

  I slice a blue tube open with the sword. This one, and that one. I tell everyone I meet to cut the tubes open. It will take a while until the dome is filled with the oxygen from the tubes, but since most of the booths have been damaged, the survivors can breathe right into the blue tubes. I use all my strength to push the Bully off Bellona, then I pull her to an open blue tube and stick her face to it. She is blue and motionless. I don’t know what else to do. I keep giving her oxygen from the tube and hit her lightly on the back.

  There is a bloodbath all around me. Survivors keep slicing the blue tubes.

  Bellona is breathing again. Coughing repeatedly, but breathing.

  We’ll be able to breathe easily in the dome within minutes, once the tubes fill it with Oxygen.

  Only one Bully left.

  We have to finish him to win the game, before the dome’s floor turns into a big hole of ice-cold water.

  Leo terminates the Bully. When Leo kills the last Bully, I notice they have some kind of mechanical bones under their skin. Are they all cyborgs? How do they bleed?

  “How is that possible?” I ask Leo.

  “Some genetically human-slash-android creation by the Summit,” Leo says. “If I’d known earlier, I would have looked for their batteries and
taken them out.”

  We hear the horn again.

  Timmy announces that the Bloodbath on Ice is over. A whole lot of advertising follows. Four million viewers have watched us survive the Breathing Dome.

  “How did you come up with the blue tube idea?” asks Leo.

  I give him the look he has been spreading around all day long. “That’s how fast girls can think.”

  We laugh. We are exhausted. We are back from the dead. Leo, Bellona, and I.

  Only eleven of us survived.

  20

  After collecting all we can from the dome, we walk to the forest, watching the sun set over The Playa. I have no strength to go looking for Woo at the moment. I wasn't prepared for this. I need to catch my breath.

  Leo starts a fire. He is experienced with what he does. Bellona and her friends bring over a set of sleeping bags and other stuff they kept hidden in the unexploded bus. I have to know who those guys really are.

  We have water, but we have no food. I wonder how long we can survive without food. Leo found a bag full of ammo with one of the dead Bullies. I guess plan B was to shoot us in the dome. Leo shoots all the nearby cameras. ‘Nuff said.

  ***

  We are sitting in a circle around the fire. There is no food though. All we have is candy bars we found in the pockets of the deceased. We can keep up until tomorrow. Strangely, I am not waiting for the next episode of my favorite series on TV. I don’t care about homework, and I am not speculating about whether I should attend college or not. I don’t worry about how to please my mom, be a good child, make my bed, help the family, avoid sneaky boys, make friends, figure out why I haven’t been invited to some party, mourn over my bad luck, or be bored and think about trying cigarettes or drinking for a change. None of that matters anymore. I wouldn’t care if my mom burst into my room, yelling at me for all the troubles I have caused her and my dad, and how I ruined their relationship. My teachers could send me to detention and call me on my behavior. I wouldn’t care, not a bit. I wouldn’t even acknowledge anything they say. If they want to call me a Bad Kid, so be it. I have a life now. A scary and deadly life. Yes! But at least I get to defend who I am, and who I want to be. No one can control me and decide my future anymore.